how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
