Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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