I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
