Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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