I cockslap morals
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
