so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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