There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
