Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Mom said you looked used
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
