i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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