She is in my trunk
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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