Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Randomize
