:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
