Please don't use social media to get back at me.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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