My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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