finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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