Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
