so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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