call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
