Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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