this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
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The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
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I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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