I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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