Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
