he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
