when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
They have beer where we have blood.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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