My room smells like vodka and shame
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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