omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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