After last night, I could never be a politician.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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