Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Operation Purity has been aborted
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
