I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
one two three fourrrrnication!
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
