Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
