i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize
