Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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