Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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