batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
So many bounce houses so little time
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
