we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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