is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
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bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
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I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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