JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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