look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
