There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
