This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
