Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
