How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
