Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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