Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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