You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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