my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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