just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
