Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
