her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
