They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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