The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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