Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
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If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
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I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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