Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
