The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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