my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
