If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
