maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
