I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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