"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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