I want to make a zoo with you.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
